Behind Hogwarts Doors
by Wizard Flower
Summary: A compilation of one-shots. What really happens behind the doors of Hogwarts. based off the story "Dear DA Members" by Bellamort500
1. Bouncy Castle

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"Miss. Granger, under no circumstances will I allow you to put a bouncy castle in the middle of my classroom." Mcgonagall Said sternly to Hermione as the Gryffindor pouted.

"But why?" Hermione was not going to give up without complaining.

"Because, Miss Granger, a bouncy castle in the middle of a classroom will only cause a distraction and none of my students will get any work done. Much like right now so I suggest you all get back to work." At her words everyone went back to transfiguring their rocks. Except Hermione who simply continues to stare down Mcgonagall. Suddenly Hermione's face lit up in anticipation.

"Professor? What if I were to transfigure the bouncy castle? Then I would still be working." Mcgonagall never got the chance to answer before Hermione turned, pulling out her wand and point it at the desks moving them to the side of the room. Then turning to a rock that had fallen off one of the desks. She waved her wand and then the rock started expanding an contorting until it finally stopped growing and there was a bouncy castle in the middle of the transfiguration classroom.

Mcgonagall could do nothing but stare slack jawed as Hermione smirked triumphantly and the rest of the class cheered and swarmed into the newly formed bouncy castle

"See professor, completely educational." Hermione turned to see that Mcgonagall was gone. "professor? Where'd you go? Oh well, Move over guys!" and with that Hermione joined her fellow Gryffindors in what she dubbed the Palace of Bounciness.

Harry bounced over to her "You do realize this is going to have to go in the letter to the DA members right?" he asked her, though the seriousness didn't reach his eyes and the fact that his hair was messier than usual because of the jumping didn't help either.

"I figured, but it was so worth it. Do you know where Mcgonagall went?" she asked after a moment.

"Probably to get an aspirin and have someone else come deal with this." Hermione simply nodded and continued bouncing.

The group wasn't bothered until Dumbledore showed up to usher them off to their next class. Coincidentally Mcgonagall's next class showed up at the same time as Dumbledore. Even worse for Dumbledore the Weasley twins were in that class and as the fifth years got out to head to charms they ran in and started jumping around, Shortly followed by Lee and several other classmates.

The headmaster sighed and gave it up as a lost cause considering Minerva wasn't even there to teach the class anyway. With that he walked out and to his office where he immediately changed the password in hopes of avoiding being dragged into a situation like this again.

* * *

Several minutes earlier:

Mcgonagall got as far away from that crazy scene as fast as possible. She thought Granger was the sane one but it seems Spending so much time with Potter and the Weasley's had corrupted her. With that saddening thought in mind she headed off to the headmasters office to let him deal with it while she took a nap.


	2. Potty Mouth

"Harry Potter, Get your arse over here!" Harry froze on the spot and spun around to find none other than Ginny Weasley stomping over to him angrily. Harry gulped immediately terrified. The only thing he could think of right now that was scarier than a mad Ginny was a mad Hermione.

He turned his head rapidly breathing a sigh of relief that Hermione was no where in sight so it was only one girl mad at him, he immediately tensed up again when he saw the look on Ginny's face. He didn't know what he had done but whatever it was she was not happy about it.

He frantically looked for an escape but could find none. Harry had unknowingly back up until he was against a wall and ginny would be there any second. He looked forward and had no more time to find an escape because Ginny was in front of him huffing angrily. he tuck her hand out to reveal, to Harry's immense shock, a picture of his face.

"What is this!" she shouted, though they were the only two to hear it considering the hall wa swarmed by students on their way to the great hall for dinner.

"Uh, a...picture?" Harry asked obviously not understanding what was going on.

"Yes Harry and what is it a picture of?" she was seething at this point.

Harry though completely horrified of the witch in front of him, mainly her bat bogey hex, just answered the question hoping not to anger her more. "My face." His voice came out shakily, not at all how he wanted.

"And do you know where I found this picture?" she asked before Harry could ask her the same question.

"Ginny I swear I have no idea what is going on, or where that picture was, or why it was even made in the first place." he said trying to back up some more but only pressing into the wall.

"I found this..this..this thing in the girls bathroom on the toilet seats! And you want to know what else? I walked in to find more than one girl snogging it! So where did they come from Harry?" She said with her voice getting more threatening the more she talked.

"Ginny I swear I have no idea what this is about. I didn't even know they were in there."

"Well I suggest you do something about it before I see someone else kissing the toilet seat. Got it?"

"Right away Gin don't worry I'll deal with it. I'll put it in the letter to the DA." Harry breathed a sigh of relief when she visibly relaxed.

"Okay good. Come on lets get down to dinner." She grabbed his hand and dragged him through the halls and around students still crowding the hall. He noticed that once in a while she would glare at someone but couldn't tell who.

"So…" Harry started "Who exactly was it you found kissing my picture." Ginny froze for half a second before turning around smacking Harry in thee head and stormed off into the great hall. 'Well I had to try' Harry thought before entering himself and walking over to the Gryffindor table to eat.


	3. Letters to Pettigrew

It was a normal day in the Gryffindor common room. To a normal student nothing would be out of the ordinary, but Harry Potter was no normal student. Most may think the reason for this would be the fact that he was 'The Boy Who Lived', but that assumption would be wrong.

The real reason would be because he spent too much time around the Weasley's mainly Fred and George. He learned from them that not everything is as it seems. For one thing Hermione was sitting in the corner scribbling away on a piece of parchment.

Most 'normal' students would assume she were doing the potions essay that was due the next day. However if you were 'not normal' and always hung around the Weasley's, well you still might not know what was really going on but he also hung around Hermione Granger who happened to Be hanging around Fred and George more so than usual.

This again wouldn't make anyone too concerned unless, like Harry, you were 'not normal'. well, While Hermione is 'not normal', she is also incredibly studeous and if you really knew her you would know she had finished that essay the day it was assigned a week and a half ago. Hermione was up to something and based on the looks the Weasley twins kept shooting at her and then each other they knew what that was.

Now, on a typical day Harry would ignore this until it became a serious issue that would involve someone becoming hurt. Everyone knows ignorance is bliss, but this was not a typical day because Dumbledore had approached Harry in the halls earlier today. According to Dumbledore Someone had been sending letters to Peter pettigrew AKA wormtail and he had received a letter asking for him to put a stop to it because it was causing Peter to have breakdowns.

Now normally Harry wouldn't care, in fact he would laugh much like Sirius had when he found out but Dumbledore wasn't as amused and asked Harry talk to her about it. With an exasperated sigh Harry strolled over to the brunette. Hermione didn't notice Harry right away so coughed to get her attention. She looked up distractedly and mumbled a hello before returning to her letter.

With one last sigh Harry spoke. "Hermione, I know you're sending letters to Wormtail and while Sirius and I both appreciate the gesture, and I normally wouldn't have a problem with it Dumbledore isn't amused by it and asked me to talk to you." he said taking a seat because from the look in her eye this would be a while.

"I don't see what's so bad about it. Pettigrew is a git and deserves every letter he gets." she said tossing her hair that had fallen in her face back.

"I know that Hermione but Dumbledore doesn't think the same way as we do and he wants it to stop."

"What about freedom of speech, they can't control me!" Hermione was ranting and would start rambling any minute now if Harry didn't step in.

"Hermione I realize that but Dumbledore isn't happy about it and we really shouldn't be sending letters to death eaters anyway, it could be dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Fine I'll stop writing to the death eaters. You're going to put that in the letter to the DA aren't you?" Hermione asked.

Harry smirked "Yup."

Harry stood to go up to his dorm when another paper in front of her caught his eye. "You should probably stop sending letters to the Dursley's too." and with that he left the common room for the bliss of sleep and getting away from his friends.


	4. Dueling Practice

"Petrificus Totalus"

"Stupefy"

"Expelliarmus"

"Wingardium Leviosa"

"Impedimenta"

This had been going on for the past few minutes and by now the rest of Dumbledores Army had stopped their own practicing and watched Neville and Seamus going back and forth.

Everyone's heads were turning back and forth watching each spell leave one persons wand and fly out at the other. Suddenly Neville and Seamus's eyes widened when they saw the spells currently coming at them.

"Protego!"

"Finite!"

They both yelled out their spells but it was no use and they were hit. Seamus started rising in the air until he hit the ceiling. He kept getting banged against it while several students below chuckled.

Neville on the other hand had gone stiff and fallen to the floor. Harry sighed. It was the same thing every time.

Neville and Seamus pair up. Neville and Seamus start yelling out any spell they can think of. Neville and Seamus can't put up shield charms, and the rest of the DA has to help them. Whether they are hit with Tarantallegra and start dancing uncontrollably or the barfing slugs charm and are chucking up slugs (which you can ask Ron, it is NOT a good experience).

"Okay everyone. Ron, Lee, the twins, Lavender, Padma, Parvati, and Luna help Neville. The rest of us will work on getting Seamus down." Harry instructed and everyone got to work on their specified person. It took a couple tries but eventually Neville was un-petrified and being helped up by Ron. Seamus however to a little longer because he kept moving.

Eventually after more than enough tries of aiming a spell and hoping for the best best, Hermione cast the immobulus charm on him and he finally stayed still.

Unfortunately though he was frozen when his face was squashed against the ceiling causing Fred and George to laugh at him making them no help. After a couple more minutes Seamus fell to the ground, landing on a pile of pillows Hannah Abbott conjured. Dean walked over to give his friend a hand up smirking the same way he does every time this happens.

This, of course, made Seamus glare at him just as he does whenever Dean smirks like that. "Guys." Harry stepped in before Seamus started yelling at Dean who was trying to contain his laughter. "This is getting out of hand."

"Harry's right mates." Ron agreed with his friend

"It's the same thing every time we have a meeting." Hermione added.

Harry continued "Being totally honest you two aren't the best at defensive strategy and it's becoming a distraction for everyone else."

"How is our practice a distraction?" Neville questioned.

"Yeah. Nobody else has anything to do with it." Seamus muttered.

"We do when we have to stop what we were doing to help you lot because you didn't get any shields up and you both are hit with a spell." Lee called from the back of the group.

"Look I think it would be best for all of us if you two had different partners. It's nothing personal but we all know by now that we aren't going to learn anything from Umbridge so we have to learn it here but we don't get anything done when you two pair up." The wizards in question didn't respond. They simply nodded their heads.

Hermione now stepped up and looked around at the group for a moment before turning back to Neville and Seamus. "Okay. Seamus why don't you try partnering with Ernie, and Neville with Justin. Are you all okay with trying that?" The four nodded their heads and everyone walked back to different areas of the room to work.

Once Hermione and Ginny walked away to continue practice Ron looked to Harry and Asked "This is going in the letter isn't it?" "Oh yeah." With that said they went back to dueling and needless to say meetings went much more smoothly after that.


	5. Billy Bob Boo

"Hahahaha"

"Oh no." Harry moaned as he heard the tell tale laughter of Fred and George Weasley. Harry debated trying to sneak off without them noticing but then realized who he was dealing with and that sneaking off simply would not happen with them. The second he stepped foot in the common room they were upon him.

At first nothing seemed wrong, like they were doing nothing wrong, but that was the biggest give away. "Okay what have you two maniacs done now?"

"Why Harry it hurts us-"George started with Fred then continuing "-That you would just assume we were-" "Up to something" they finished together. feeling his migraine coming Harry decided it best to just get it over with.

"Yeah, well I know you guys too well so what are you doing?" The twins looked at each other and grinned then with a wink at Harry they were dragging him off to a secluded corner of the common room and Harry wondered briefly if this would be the end of him.

When they got to the corner Fred and George pushed him into a seat and walked over to a large box. Harry's eyes were now glued to the box that may very well do what Voldemort couldn't. With a last glance at each other Fred and George picked up the box to reveal… a rabbit. Wait what? It was a rabbit but it was huge, much larger than a normal rabbit should be.

"Is that.." Harry choked out.

"A rabbit? Yes." Fred answered. "His name's Billy Bob Boo."

"Why is he so big, and why does he keep walking into that wall?"

George stood next to him and answered. "To answer your first question, we don't know. We found him by the lake and looked so lonely so we took him under our wing."

Fred joined them next to the chair. "And technically he's hopping, not walking, but to answer your second question he's drunk. You see our furry little friend here has a bit of a drinking problem."

"Did we mention there was a case of empty fire whiskey bottle when we found him."

"Yeah the poor little bugger was completely out of it." Suddenly the rabbit turned to Harry and jumped at him.

"Ahh!"

Harry screamed as the rabbit jumped on his head and pulled at his hair. "Billy Bob Boo! You get off of him right now!" Fred reached for the rabbit only to have him hop to the other side of Harry's head out of reach. Now George tried to pry the their new pet off of Harry. "Yeah, Harry's a friends not a Slytherin."

Billy Bob Boo tried Jumping again but George caught him. "You taught it to attack Slytherins?"

"Well it's a work in progress as you can obviously tell." Fred admitted.

"Clearly." Harry said, albeit with a shaky voice. "Now if you don't mind I'm gonna go work on the Letter to the DA." Harry jumped up from the chair and ran off before that beast of a rabbit could attack him again.


	6. Stop Blaming Me

Harry had a headache coming he just knew it. Today was going to be one of those days, he just knew it. When he woke up everything was normal enough. Then he made the mistake of getting out of bed, which lead to him going downstairs, which lead to his current problem.

"Hey Harry!" Hermione yelled walking up to him. She had that evil glint in her eye that made most people run screaming when it was directed at them. Harry being one of those people turned to run away but slammed into none other than Fred and George Weasley.

"Harry how could you?" Fred asked.

"Yeah, that is so not cool Harry you can't do things like that." George finished.

"What are you talking about?" He asked trying to back away from them but still stay a safe distance from Hermione. His efforts were in vain because Hermione suddenly appeared at his side.

"Why we're talking about Blast Ended Skrewts you set free in Snape's office yesterday of course." Fred replied jovially, clearly enjoying this.

"Yeah Harry, We know you're the Boy-Who-Lived but that does not mean you can go do whatever you want whenever you want."

"Yeah, besides, that's our job."

"Look I don't know what you two are talking about. I never did that."

Hermione finally cut it. "Well what about dying Mcgonagall's hair green? How could you do Harry. The poor woman was in a right state when she looked in a mirror." Their conversation drew the attention of others in the common room.

Harry gulped as he saw Lee Jordan stand from his seat in front of the fire and strolled over. "Harry, mate, you gotta stop this." Harry having given up on getting out of the common room sighed and answered.

"What exactly did I do Lee?"

Lee shook his head disapprovingly. "You know exactly what you did Harry. You set off Dung bombs in Flitwicks office."

some third year stood and called across the common room." Yeah, and in Professor Sprout's office too."

"I didn't do any of that you guys did."

"It isn't nice to blame people for the things you did Harry." Ron said as he walked down the stairs leading to the boy's dorms.

"That's exactly what you're all doing to me!"

"Harry, shame on you. Not only are you blaming your friends but innocent third years." Neville had a smirk that was truly worried him. It was worse than the twins but not as bad as Hermione. Though he wasn't sure if anyone could scare him as much as Hermione, but she had the ability to scare anyone.

"Shame on you Harry." Parvati and Lavender said in sync." Soon enough the whole common room was shouting, "SHAME SHAME SHAME!" Harry couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop it! Stop blaming me!" and with that he ran out of the portrait hole. Right before the portrait shut Harry was able to hear laughter coming from his fellow Gryffindors. Harry mumbled to himself as he walked to the great hall and thought 'This is so going in the letter.'


	7. Motto

Why? Why can't we just have one DA practice where somebody doesn't drive me insane? It's all Fred and George's fault really. It started out with them being their usual pranking Weasley twin selves but that just wasn't enough. Oh no, they had to go and get Hermione they get Hermione on their side all hope is lost. Let's face it nobody wins against Hermione.

Today though, the twins had been smirking at me and then looking away and giggling. I didn't know why but I had a bad feeling i would find out soon. I wasn't getting anything done with them distracting me like this so i gave up and walked over to them.

"Okay. I don't know what you're planning but whatever it is you might as well get it over with now."

"Why Harry-" George started. "what on earth would make you assume-" Fred continued and then they finished together "that we are up to something?"

"Oh I dont know. aside from the fact that I've known you two for the last five years and you both made it very clear that you're always up to something." They tried looking innocent but that is not possible for the pranking duo and they burst out laughing instead.

"Well you see Harry George and I have been talking with Hermione and the three of us decided that the DA needs a motto."

"Yeah You, Hermione, and Ron made the DA and Ginny named it so it only makes sense that Fred and I, the last two Weasley's in the DA, make a contribution too." Harry just looked at the for a minute to see if they were serious. They were.

"Hermione! Could you come here for a minute." Harry called to Hermione who was currently practicing with Cho on the other side of the room. Without turning Hermione called out a sure and disarmed Cho with a simple flick of her wand and made her way over to us. "What's up Harry?"

"You and the twins thought we needed a motto?"

"Of course, all the cool clubs have them. Did they tell you what it was yet?"

"No but we're about to announce it to everyone." Fred said then stood on a chair with George doing the same next to him. George started off their little speech. "Attention all DA members we have an announcement."

"It has come to our attention that we do not have a motto.

"Yes and we simply cannot continue like this because as I am sure you all know all the cool clubs have them."

"And we are after all the coolest club in existence."

"So we would like to inform you all of our amazing"

"spectacular"

"Extravagant"

"Awesome new motto-"

"Let's go kidnap donkey's" They screamed the last part and the majority of the room, being everyone except Hermione who already knew the motto and Ron and Ginny who were used to their behavior looked at them owlishly.

Suddenly the room was filled with chatter. It varied from laughter to praise of our 'new motto' to questioning the twins sanity but that last one wasn't anything new. Harry just shook his head this was too much.

"Absolutely not that is not our new motto. I forbid it" He said to the twins. They looked scandalized

"On what grounds!" they demanded

"On the grounds that it is stupid." Harry said calmly. "This is going in the letter. If you want to make a motto so badly at least make it something semi sane."


End file.
